


A Day Without Me

by visionshadows



Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: F/M, Genderswap, M/M, waking up a girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 11:35:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionshadows/pseuds/visionshadows





	A Day Without Me

It had happened sometime between the 2 am ‘I want my bottle because I’m hungry’ scream and the 4 am ‘Change my diaper and I can’t find my bunny and my favourite pacifier’ scream. Joey had stumbled down the hall for the eighth time since he put Brianna down at 9 pm, bumping into the wall because his center of gravity was off for some reason. He was so asleep that he didn’t even notice until he picked up Brianna and she bumped into something that was  _not_ supposed to be in the way of her and his shoulder.

Joey blinked and looked again.

The wifebeater that he’d worn to bed was obscenely tight across his chest. He poked experimentally at what looked to be breasts.

They certainly felt like breasts.

Then Brianna screamed again and he had to put all this weirdness out of his mind and change her because frankly, Brianna’s screams were ear piercing.

It was probably all a dream anyway.   
 

 

* * *

 

When he woke up again, having fallen asleep in the rocking chair with Brianna snuggled against what  _still_  appeared to be a breast, he looked down and took stock of things. Yes. There were mounds of flesh on his chest that resembled breasts better then the fake things Britney had. All the hair on his arms was pretty much gone, turned wispy and a very light blonde colour. He took a deep breath and reached up to touch his chin. Smooth.

Joey closed his eyes for a moment, pressing his lips to Brianna’s forehead. At least she was still the same.

When he opened his eyes again, he decided to check himself out completely. Putting Brianna back in her crib actually was easy. She didn’t wake up and scream like usual.

He walked into the bathroom attached to her bedroom with his eyes down. That’s when he realized he couldn’t see his feet.

His hands trembled as he pulled off the wifebeater and boxer shorts he wore. He ran a hand down his stomach which was completely hairless. No happy trail. No nothing.

And when he reached his crotch he touched nothing. There was nothing to cup and pee with. He took a deep, shuddery breath and finally looked in the mirror at himself.

The girl staring back at him looked like shit.

Her hair was all messed up, brown and blonde strands sticking out all over the place. It was longer and finer then the brown and blonde mess that he usually had on his head, reaching past her shoulders. Her cheekbones were more pronounced and her lips were fuller and pinker.

The only part he recognized as himself was his eyes. With exceptionally long eyelashes. And huge dark circles around them because he’d had Brianna for about four days now which meant sleep was not his friend at this point in time.

He brought his hand up to touch his face and neck and then move down his body. The hollow between his collarbone was much more noticeable and his shoulders had gotten considerably less broad.

His ribcage even felt different when he ran his hands down his sides. Ignoring the breasts for a moment, he concentrated on everything else.

He was thinner. Not exceptionally so. He still had a little belly but he kind of thought that was cute on girls so maybe it was cute on him in some weird way. His hips were more rounded, if possible, and they gave him a new curvy shape.

He turned to the side and looked at his ass. A little smaller.

Well that was a plus.

His tattoos were still in the same place. The barcodes, Brianna’s footprint, the flame/Superman/Marionette on his ankle. His surprisingly slim ankle. And surprisingly firm and shapely calf and thigh.

So it appeared, that unless this was some crazy dream, he was for all intents and purposes physically a woman.

This was not a good thing.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Kelly still kept clothes in his house because there was never telling when she would need something to change into after a feeding or whatnot.

So he raided that closet, hoping beyond hope that there was  _something_  that wasn’t too small or too tight on him.

He was still a lot bigger then Kelly, still probably about half a foot taller then her but he had to at least try.

He found a bra that fit him from when she was still nursing. He looked at the little flaps over the nipples and groaned softly. But at least he was supported.

Her cargo pants fit him like capris would, stopping about midcalf. But they buttoned around his waist and fit his hips okay unlike everything in his closet. He just pulled on a plain grey T-shirt that didn’t show off his stomach or do anything like that.

He ran a brush through his hair, trying to get the knots out. He tied a bandanna on his head and went back to Brianna who was up and squirming around in her crib.

“Hi honey,” Joey said, finally speaking for the first time this morning. He swallowed when he realized his voice was wispy and high. “Ready to get up and make breakfast?”

Brianna squealed happily and kicked her chubby legs. Joey smiled and picked her up, telling himself repeatedly that this was just temporary and he shouldn’t do anything to upset the baby. Upsetting the baby was bad. So he should just act like everything was normal even though he had breasts, a vagina, and Kelly’s clothes on.

“So what do you want to do today?” Joey asked her, balancing the her on his hip. That was much easier then it used to be. “We can go to the park...” He stumbled a bit on that idea. Going out in public? “Or we can go see Grandma. That sounds like a good idea. Grandma will know what to do.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“Are you the new nanny?” asked Phyllis suspiciously. She eyed up the young woman with ill-fitting clothes, no makeup and a bandanna covering her hair that was holding her granddaughter.

“No,” Joey said slowly, shifting Brianna to the other side. “Can we talk?”

Phyllis’ eyes narrowed.

“Joey?”

Joey nodded, taking off the little cap Brianna was wearing and smoothing back her dark curls. “We really need to talk, Mom.”

“Oh God,” Phyllis covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes growing wide. She backed away, bumping into the table in the hallway and putting her hand out to steady herself. “Joey?”

“Yeah,” Joey pulled up the grey T-shirt a little to show a birthmark on his side to her. “It’s me. Please Mom. I need to talk to you.”

“You’re a woman, Joey,” Phyllis reached a shaking hand out to touch her son’s shoulder. “How did this happen?”

“I don’t know,” Joey’s voice trembled but he held it together because he was still holding Brianna. “I just...I’m scared, Mommy.”

Phyllis nodded slowly, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s just take this one step at a time.”

Joey took a deep breath. “What do I do now?”

Phyllis took Brianna from him, resting her on her own hip and looking at Joey critically. “Well first we go shopping. And then we go to a salon and get you a decent haircut and a makeover.”

“Mom,” Joey sighed, looking at the ground. “This isn’t permanent or anything.”

“Joseph Anthony Fatone,” Phyllis glared at him. “Are you questioning me?”

“No,” Joey mumbled. “Let’s just go shopping.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“No. It still doesn’t fit right.”

Joey groaned and went back into the dressing room. He twisted his arms behind him and fumbled with the clasp on the bra.

“I know they make this things with front hooks,” Joey grumbled loud enough for his mother to hear. “Can’t I wear one of those?”

“Just put it on.”

Joey sighed and fooled with the clasp on the bra. Taking these off a girl was  _much_ easier then trying to take them off himself. He looked over at the mirror again at the semi-pretty girl looking back at him.

It was a shock.

“I’m not me.”

Phyllis opened the door to the dressing room, slipping inside. She sat down on the little chair that was in the corner, Brianna on her lap.

“Joey,” she said softly, looking at him closely. “Just because you have breasts and feminine features doesn’t mean you aren’t you anymore. You are still my son. You are still Brianna’s father. You are still special and beautiful and mine.”

Joey sniffled, loving his mother more now then he did a minute before. He tugged at one of the straps on the bra, wondering why the urge to cry was just  _so_ strong.

“I love you, Mom,” he mumbled, kneeling down and hugging her and Brianna tightly. “Just so much.”

Phyllis kissed his hair lightly, smoothing it back. “I love you too, honey.”

Joey sat back on his knees, looking at her with tears in his eyes. “This emotional thing? That’s a girl thing, right?”

“Yeah,” she gave him a small smile. “But this just might be an overwhelmed boy thing too. It’s not like you can practice for this or anything.”

Joey looked down at himself, at his breasts that were being held by a pretty flowered satiny bra his mother had picked out, at the cargo pants of Kelly’s he still had on.

“Honey?” Phyllis reached out to touch his shoulder lightly. “I don’t want to mention this because well, you haven’t but...umm...Joshua? What about him?”

Joey dropped his head even more. “I don’t know.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

When he finally got back home, he had three bags of clothing, a bag of underwear, some shoes, and makeup. He managed somehow to lug that and Brianna and her stuff back inside without dropping anything but the stupid purse his mother made him buy.

“Who’s ready for a nap?” asked Joey, smiling brightly at Brianna and bouncing her. She gurgled and yawned which he took as a sign that yes, she was the one who was ready for a nap.

“Good,” Joey yawned as well. “Because Daddy’s exhausted too. Let’s go take a nap.”

Joey carried her upstairs and into his bedroom. He didn’t want to even put her in the crib right now because he  _knew_  the moment she was out of his sight, he was going to freak out and start crying.

“Okay. We need pj’s, Brie girl,” Joey said, still smiling. He put her down on the bed where she immediately started chewing on her stockinged foot. “Uh uh.” He pulled her foot out of her mouth and took the sock off for her. “Now you can chew on your foot.”

She proceeded to chew on her foot while Joey picked through his closet for a T-shirt. He finally pulled out his favourite Superman shirt JC gave him for his 20th birthday so long ago. He was more than happy to take off all his girl stuff, including bra and panties, and slip on a worn T-shirt and boxers. That at least _felt_  right even if they didn’t fit right anymore.

“You okay sleeping in here with Daddy?”

It wasn’t like he was really expecting a reply from Brianna but he wanted to keep talking to her, wanted to make things seem as normal as possible even though his voice was definitely not his. He sounded a little like Janine with a hint of Steve’s lisp, but no Joey.

“Let’s hope Uncle JC doesn’t decide to drop by unexpectedly.”

And even though it was only two in the afternoon, Joey fell into a heavy, dreamless sleep with Brianna curled up against his side.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Uncle JC didn’t show up thankfully. But around five, Uncle Chris  _did_ show up. Joey was still conked out on the bed with Brianna next to him. She hadn’t napped this long ever and even fast asleep, Joey was thankful that she was now.

“Hey Joey,” Chris said, pushing open the bedroom door and walking in. “You in...”

He stopped dead in his tracks, dropping the glass of soda he was holding on the ground with a loud crash. The crash woke up Brianna and she began to cry. Joey immediately woke up, trained well to respond to her cries by now.

“S’ok. Daddy’s here.” He picked her up, sighing softly when he realized the breasts were still there. He rocked her gently as his eyes flicked to the doorway and he felt his heart pound in his chest when he saw Chris standing there, his eyes wide with surprise.

No one said anything for a long time, the only sound was Brianna’s occasional insolent cry because she had been woken up. Finally Joey  couldn’t take it anymore.

“So...um...like the new look?” asked Joey weakly.

Chris shook himself out of his blank stare and walked over to the bed, sitting next to Joey. He brought his hand up to touch Joey’s face. Brianna had quieted down but she was still squirming and snuffling in Joey’s arms trying to get his attention.

“Say something,” Joey whispered. “Please.”

“Jesus Joey,” Chris breathed out, looking at him up and down. “You’re...you’re...you’ve got  _boobies_.”

Joey sniffled, feeling tears push at his eyelids when Chris said that. “That’s not all I’ve got.”

Chris reached over and took Brianna from him, holding her easily on his lap. “Let me see.”

Joey blushed deeply, the red colouring his cheeks. “You mean...now?”

Chris shrugged, slipping his pinkie into Brianna’s mouth so she could suck on something since her pacifier wasn’t around. “Why not? Let’s see what we’re dealing with.”

Joey sighed, looking down at the ground as he slipped the clothes off, standing naked in front of Chris. At least Chris said ‘what we’re dealing with’ and not ‘what you’re dealing with’.”

Chris bounced Brianna on his knee, looking at him carefully. “Well. That answers whether or not you are a girl.”

“Can I put clothes back on?” mumbled Joey, still looking at the ground. His nakedness was extremely uncomfortable even though Chris had seen him naked  _many_ times before this had happened.

Chris stood up, holding Brianna with one arm. “Go take a shower. Wash that shit off your face and out of your hair. I’ll make some dinner and feed Brie.”

Joey nodded, sniffling slightly. Chris leaned over and kissed his cheek softly. “We’ll make this okay, Joe. I promise.”

And Joey believed him as he stood in the middle of his bedroom, alone and cold and naked. Chris would make this all better somehow because he was Chris.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

When he got out of the shower, clean and makeup free, Chris was waiting for him. He had picked out some comfortable clothes that he thought would still fit Joey; a pair of jeans that had been too tight on him for years and another Superman shirt. The bra and panties were hidden discreetly under the jeans.

Chris turned away as Joey dressed before sitting him down on the bed, putting Brianna on his lap to keep him occupied. He sat behind him, pulling a hairbrush through Joey’s hair carefully, straightening the waves and working through any knots he found.

“It’s long enough to pull back into a ponytail,” Chris said softly, once he had the hair smooth and manageable. “Want me to do that?”

“Okay,” Joey’s voice was meek and he was basically concentrating on Brianna and not on what Chris was doing. “So how bad do I look?”

Chris pulled Joey’s hair back into a loose ponytail. “You look...pretty. Honest.”

“I don’t feel pretty. I feel...wrong.”

Chris hugged him from behind, hooking his chin over Joey’s shoulder. “It’s going to take some getting used to obviously....”

“This isn’t something to get used to, Chris,” Joey squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep from getting loud or angry. Can’t upset the baby. “I’m a  _girl_!”

“No. You’re Joey,” Chris said firmly. “Just because your body is different doesn’t mean that you aren’t you.”

“You know that JC’s not going to see it that way,” Joey kept his head down, his arms tight around Brianna.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do,” Joey stood up, handing Brianna to Chris. “Look. Take care of her for me. I need to go for a ride.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Joey came back the next morning, his eyes red and puffy. Chris was still at the house and Brianna was sleeping. He let himself inside quietly, hoping that Chris wouldn’t wake up.

The bedroom was empty and he was glad about that. He flopped down on the bed and was reminded again that he had breasts when he landed on them and they hurt.

“Shit.”

Joey stared at the ceiling for awhile trying to figure out what was going on. Guys didn’t just  _turn_  into girls for no good reason. But that’s what happened to him and now he had to deal with it. He could either pout and complain about this or...he could somehow make the best of it.

Chris stood in the doorway, his hand on the frame. “Feeling any better?”

Joey turned his head to look at him, shrugging a little. “Maybe. I cried a lot. That’s such a chick thing to do.”

“I cry all the time,” Chris smiled a little, walking into Joey’s bedroom. “Are you calling me a chick?”

“No,” Joey looked down at himself. “I think I’m the only one who can be called a chick in this room.”

“Being a chick is cool,” Chris stretched out next to him. “It’s not like you’re a girl or anything like that. You’re a chick. Chicks are tough.”

“Yeah,” Joey smiled weakly. “Chicks are tough.”

“You can be Lois Lane now,” Chris nudged him. “You know. Instead of Superman.”

“I don’t have to change my name, do I?” asked Joey, looking at him, surprised by that.

“No,” Chris shook his head. “I wouldn’t think so. You can still be Joey. It can be a girls name too. Just like Chris can.”

“JC doesn’t like girls at all,” Joey said softly, looking away from Chris now. “He never has.”

“This is different. You’re not really a girl. You’re still Joey except in a girl’s body. Maybe JC will...” Chris trailed off, knowing that he shouldn’t give Joey any false hope. “JC loves you for you. Not because you’re a guy. Were a guy...”

“But being that JC is  _gay_  me being a guy definitely helped things.”

“Yeah,” Chris plucked at the comforter. “You have to tell him though. Let him figure things out here. Maybe for you...”

Joey shrugged a little. “How’s Brianna?”

“Good. But man...she doesn’t like to sleep at night. I tried all my patented how to make babies sleep things. She turned her nose up at all of them.” Chris shook his head. “I don’t get it.”

“Yeah. She’s not fond of the night sleeping thing. She _loves_  to nap during the day. I think that’s JC’s influence on her.”

“She’s a little stinker,” Chris made a face but he was still smiling. “But I love her.”

“It’s tough not to,” Joey leaned over and kissed Chris’ cheek softly. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not freaking out,” Joey got off the bed, gestured at himself. “About this. And for taking care of Brianna and for just being here.”

“I get no thanks for putting your hair back in a ponytail?” asked Chris, trying to keep the mood light.

“And for that too.” Joey smiled for real then and Chris couldn’t help but think how beautiful he looked when he smiled.

“I’m going to shower and,” he shuddered a little. “Shave my legs. Then maybe you could braid my hair?”

Chris grinned. “Hell yeah. I’ve got years of practice doing that. Katie absolutely  _refused_  to cut her hair. I used to put it in a French braid every morning.”

Joey ran his hand over his hair. It had come out of the ponytail a little but for the most part it had stayed put. “Well. Let’s see how well you do with this mop.”

Chris threw a pillow at him. “Go shower. I’ll make some coffee.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“He’s kind of busy at the moment, JC,” Chris said into the phone, trying to stall JC for a little bit. “How ‘bout I have him call when he’s free?”

“Chris,” JC sighed into the phone. “I’m just going to come over, okay. If you’re over he can’t be  _too_  busy with Brianna.”

“Give me the phone,” Joey said softly, holding his hand out.

Chris looked up in surprise, not expecting Joey to be out of the shower yet. He handed the phone over to Joey who cleared his throat before saying anything.

“Hey hon,” Joey spoke soft, hoping that would mask the fact he didn’t sound like himself. “Sorry. I was in the shower.”

“You should have waited. We could have showered together.”

“Next time,” Joey promised. “Are you coming over?”

Chris inhaled sharply. He didn’t think Joey was ready to see JC right now, that he was ready to deal with that.

“Of course. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes or so.”

“So about an hour in JC time,” Joey grinned, twisting his now long hair around his finger.

“Shut up,” JC laughed. “I see you soon.”

“Bye,” Joey hung up the phone and looked at Chris. “We have about an hour.”

“What are we going to do?” asked Chris, looking back at Joey who was only wrapped in a towel, his hair still dripping wet and hanging around his shoulders.

“I’m going to put clothes on for starters. Then put Brianna down for a nap,” Joey sighed softly. “As for what’s going to happen when JC gets here, I don’t know.”

“I’ll do your hair after you get dressed,” Chris said softly. “How did the leg shaving go?”

Joey made a face. “I really don’t like that at all. But I did it. That fucking hurts.”

Chris looked at Joey’s legs, reaching over and touching one firm calf. “Not bad. Nice and smooth. You’ve done this before, Fatone.”

“Fuck off,” Joey laughed, shaking his leg to get Chris’ hand off. “I did it  _once_ for a bet when I was sixteen, okay.”

“Can I pick out your clothes?” asked Chris, standing back up.

“You want to pick out my clothes?”

Chris shrugged, blushing a little. “Yeah. I used to pick out Dani’s all the time. I guess I kinda miss doing it. I promise. You’ll look nice.”

“Alright,” Joey sighed, still slightly skeptical about that.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Chris did make him look nice, at least as nice as he could look considering he refused to put on any makeup or wear a dress.

His hair was done in pigtail French braids because Chris said they would look cute and he was wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a light blue mock turtleneck with short sleeves.

But how cute he looked didn’t really matter as he stood in front of JC waiting for him to say something other then ‘you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.’

Chris was kind of hovering but didn’t say anything, didn’t interrupt either of them. Not that there was much being said for him to interrupt but he still didn’t say anything. He just stood there, chewing on his nails and waiting.

“I woke up like this,” Joey said softly, his eyes on the ground, unable to look at JC. “It just happened.”

“Okay,” JC breathed out slowly. “So...you’re...a...woman?”

Joey nodded miserably.

“Is this...permanent?”

“I don’t know,” Joey said honestly, still looking at the ground. “It hasn’t changed back yet.”

JC sat down on the couch heavily, holding his head in his hands. “So...my boyfriend is now my girlfriend?”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Joey sniffled a little, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

Chris walked out, leaving them to talk alone. They didn’t even notice.

JC lifted his head to look at Joey. “I know you didn’t mean for this to happen. How  _could_ you ask for this?”

Joey still didn’t move to come closer to him, afraid of JC’s rejection. “I’m scared, JC.”

JC finally lifted his hand, holding it out for Joey to take. Tentatively Joey walked over, taking JC’s hand and sitting down next to him. JC reached up and stroked his cheek softly.

“Don’t be scared. You’re not alone,” and JC leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’m still here.”

Joey practically sobbed with relief, sliding closer to JC and curling up against him. JC’s arms wrapped around him easily for the first time ever.

“But you don’t like girls,” Joey sniffled, nuzzling JC’s shoulder as he talked.

“You’re right. I don’t.”

“I’m...I’m a girl, JC.”

“I know you are,” JC hugged him a little tighter, planting a soft kiss on the top of Joey’s head. “We’ll figure something out.”

“I don’t want to be a girl.”

“Honestly,” JC sighed softly. “I don’t want you to be a girl either but you are. I don’t know how to change you back so I guess we’re stuck with you being a girl.”

Joey shifted and rested his head in JC’s lap, looking up at him. “I have breasts, JC. Do you have any idea how weird that is?”

JC’s gaze flicked down to Joey’s chest. “Um. Pretty weird I imagine. At least they’re not...like  _huge_  or anything. They look normal.”

“They feel normal too,” Joey poked one again. “Well except for the padding in the bra. My mom insisted that I get this kind because it gives me more lift and support.”

JC’s hand hovered over Joey’s chest for a moment. “Can I touch one?”

Joey nodded, still surprised by JC’s reaction. “Touch away.”

JC’s hand hovered again before he finally just reached down and touched one of Joey’s breasts. He cupped it, stroking his thumb across it.

“Feels pretty much how I remember them feeling.” JC pulled his hand away, resting it on Joey’s arm instead. But even his arm wasn’t the same. He moved his hand again, resting it on Joey’s shoulder.

“This is going to be weird,” Joey said softly, sensing JC’s reluctance to touch him pretty much anywhere. “I don’t really know how to make it not weird.”

“Well...” JC shrugged a little, reaching up to stroke Joey’s cheek with his thumb. “I can show you off now. You’re the perfect beard since I really  _am_ dating you.”

“It’s a shame I make such an ugly woman,” Joey closed his eyes, rolling onto his side and hiding his face in JC’s stomach. “Since you want to show me off. I’ll make you look bad.”

“You're beautiful, Joey,” JC murmured, stroking Joey’s arm again. “I’m being totally honest with you. You’re still so beautiful to me and I would love to show you off.”

Joey sat up and looked at him, tears caught on his eyelashes. “I’m not pretty. I’m not beautiful. I’m just a freak.”

“Stop,” JC reached up and took Joey’s face in his hands. “You’re beautiful and I love you.”

Joey closed his eyes. “I love you too.”

JC leaned forward and kissed him softly. “Want to go out to dinner?”

“Dinner?”

JC nodded, brushing a strand of Joey’s hair away from his face. “Yeah. Can Kelly take Brianna for the night?”

“She’s in Chicago for another week,” Joey sniffled. “Maybe Chris can watch her again.”

“That sounds like a good idea. We’ll ask him.”

Joey nodded, sniffling and wiping at his eyes again. “I hate crying. I never cry.”

“It’s okay to cry,” JC wiped at a few stray tears on Joey’s face. “I would cry if this happened to me.”

“You really want to take me out tonight?”

JC kissed him again. “Yes.”

“Do I have to wear a dress?”

JC laughed softly, pressing his forehead against Joey’s. “Only if you want to. What you have on right now is very pretty actually. It looks really nice on you.”

“Chris dressed me,” Joey looked down at himself. “It’s not really that bad, right?”

“Chris dressed you?” asked JC in surprise. “And you look this pretty? Wow. I’m impressed.”

“He did my hair too.”

“Your hair is absolutely adorable,” JC pulled on one of the braids. “I love these. And your hair is longer then mine now. No fair.”

“It gets knotted so easy,” Joey reached up to touch it himself. “It took Chris forever to comb it out. I might cut it.”

“No,” JC said quickly. “I like your hair. Don’t cut it.”

“Okay.” Joey pressed his face to JC’s shoulder again, feeling strong arms wrap around him again. Maybe things  _would_  be okay.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“Yo! JC!” Justin shouted, opening Joey’s front door and just walking in like usual. He never had any respect for privacy.

“Where are you, Chasez?” Justin’s voice carried in the hallway as he headed to the kitchen.

Joey had his back to the door, shaking the whole time. He was only wearing a T-shirt and panties and no bra. His hands were trembling as he tried to keep himself busy. JC was upstairs with Brianna and he  _knew_ from the way the direction Justin’s voice was coming from, he was heading for the kitchen.

“Oh hey,” Justin said, a little surprised to see a half-naked woman in Joey’s kitchen. “Sorry. Are you the new nanny?”

Joey exhaled slowly and turned around, holding a coffee filter in his hand.

“You’re the chick in the pictures!” Justin said, surprised. He pointed at Joey accusingly. “I can’t believe that you’re here in Joey’s  _house_ after being seen  _all_  over the fucking town with Joey’s  _boyfriend_. You have no shame.”

“Justin,” JC said calmly, standing in the doorway with Brianna in his arms. “Relax and sit down.”

Justin’s eyes bugged out. “His  _daughter_ is even here. Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on here?”

“Sit down,” JC said, handing Brianna to Joey and forcibly sitting Justin down in one of the kitchen chairs. “Don’t say anything else. And don’t curse around the baby. We’ve talked to you about that before.”

“Sorry,” Justin mumbled, propping his head up on his hands.

“Okay,” JC sat down across from him, folding his hands on top of the table. “The woman standing over there,” JC gestured at him. “That  _is_ Joey.”

“Riiight,” Justin looked at JC skeptically. “I thought you stopped snorting that shit, C?”

“I’m not on drugs, Justin!” JC glared at him. “And watch your language!”

“Sorry,” Justin said again, looking over at Joey. “Look. Joey’s a guy.  _That_  is a girl. A girl that maybe looks vaguely like Joey...” his gaze dropped to Joey’s ankle. “And has Joey’s tattoos and...” he looked at Brianna who was cooing happily. “And who Joey’s daughter isn’t afraid of...oh God.”

Joey waved nervously. “Um. Hey Justin.”

“Hi,” Justin waved back just as weakly. “You...um...you have boobies, Joey.”

Joey chuckles softly. “Yeah. I do. Surprise.”

“Uh...do you have everything...else?”

Joey closed his eyes and nodded.

Justin looked over at JC who nodded as well. “So...since you like girls and all, I mean as well as boys...” he licked his lips, looking back over at Joey. “Do you like...look in the mirror and touch yourself all the time?”

“Justin!” Both JC and Joey yelled at him at the same time.

“What?” Justin held up his hands in surprise. “What’d I say?”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“Heel, toe, heel, toe.”

Joey groaned and flopped down on the couch. “These things  _hurt_. Do I hafta learn how to walk in them?”

Lance sat down next to him, a pair of high heels on his feet as well. “Yes, Joey,” his voice was more then a little pissy. “You are going to have to wear heels eventually and you don’t want to be stomping around in them.”

“But Laaaaance,” Joey whined, kicking off one red heel and massaging his foot. “I’m tiiiired.”

“You have a choice, Joey,” Lance turned to him, his hands on his hips. “Either work with me or I’m calling Stefan and you’ll have to work with the drag queens again.”

“Meep,” Joey quickly put the shoe back on and stood up. “I’ll be good.”

"I thought so."   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“Excuse me?” A woman put her hand on Joey’s arm, stopping him. “Do I know you?”

Joey cleared his throat, shaking his head. He could feel his ponytail brushing his bare neck. Brianna squirmed in the cart.

“No,” Joey shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“I’m Angel,” She stuck her hand out for Joey to shake it. “You really do look familiar though.”

“I’m...” Joey frantically tried to think of a name. “Lois.” Damn Chris.

“Did you go to Dr. Phillips?” Angel seemed to refuse to go away even though Joey was trying his best to make her go away.

“Yeah,” Joey reached for a box of cereal, putting it in the back of the cart.

“Me too!” Angel pressed a hand to her breastbone, amazed by that coincidence. “When did you graduate?”

“Oh...’95,” Joey chewed on his lip, praying that she didn’t graduate then too. “What about you?”

“’95 too,” Angel shook her head in amazement. “That’s probably why I recognize you. We graduated together.”

“I look a little different now.” Joey gave her a warm smile.

“Oh who doesn’t, honey,” Angel patted his arm, smiling happily. “How old is your daughter?”

Joey sighed but kept smiling. Apparently this was something women did. He had this happen at the cleaners the other day too.

“She’s almost seven months old now,” Joey reached for the spit up rag in the side of the bag, wiping off a little drool Brianna had on her chin. “Her name’s Brianna.”

“Hi Brianna,” Angel’s voice was high pitched and excited. “Aren’t you the cutest thing? Yes you are.”

Joey cringed when Angel started to go into full baby talk. But Brianna seemed to like it, cooing and giggling at her.

“I love kids,” Angel straightened up and smiled at Joey again.

“Oh me too,” Joey kept smiling even though his face was starting to hurt. “Do you have any of your own?”

“Oh no,” Angel waved her hand, laughing a little. She fiddled with a thin gold chain around her neck. “My fiancé and I are waiting until we’re more settled.”

“Babies do change everything,” Joey said, handing Brianna a toy to play with. It had been while Kelly was pregnant with Brianna when things had gone bad for them. He had started dating JC again a few days after they had broken up for good. “But they’re worth it.”

“Someday definitely,” Angel kept smiling as well. “Are you married?”

“Oh,” Joey looked up, a little surprised. “No. My boyfriend and I aren’t looking to get married anytime soon.”

“You know,” Angel reached into her purse and pulled out a business card. “We should get together. Do lunch or something. Here’s my card.”

“Thanks,” Joey said, fumbling a little as he put it in his purse. “I’ll call you, Angel. It was great to see you again.”

“You too, Lois,” Angel hugged him loosely, planting an air kiss on his cheek. “Talk to you soon.”

Joey watched her push her cart, heading down the aisle away from him. He leaned over close to Brianna.

“I have  _no_  idea who she is,” Joey whispered. “Let’s just hope she wasn’t one of Daddy’s high school conquests.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“You’re supposed to call and tell me these things,” Johnny moaned before he resumed banging his head on his desk.

“Well with all things we tried to remember,” JC started, looking over at Joey for help. “We just forgot to call and tell you that Joey...kind of...you know...turned into a girl.”

“Thank God the tour’s over,” Johnny said again, lifting his head slightly. “Thank God you don’t have any scheduled appearances for awhile.”

“Oh...” Joey looked over at JC. “And...um...me and JC are kind of still dating. And yeah. There’s...probably pictures...of us.”

Johnny groaned softly. “What kind of pictures?”

“Nothing bad,” JC said quickly. “Just...us...out. At dinner. And maybe at a club dancing.”

“That’s not bad. That’s not bad at all,” Johnny was smiling now. “You,” he pointed at JC. “Being seen with a girl is a  _very_  good thing. This is good. Yes. Pictures of the two of you are good.”

“So you’re okay with this?” asked Joey, frowning a little.

“Okay isn’t really the right word,” Johnny sighed again. “I don’t think we can change this...girl thing you have going on right now so we’ll work with it. You can be JC’s girlfriend. And...you’re,” he chewed on his lip, thinking. “In Italy..”

“Italy?”

“You’re Italian. It works,” Johnny groaned again. “God. Why me?” He began to bang his head on the desk again.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“Honey?” Phyllis sat down on the couch next to Joey, reaching up to wipe at Joey’s lipstick. “Are you busy?”

“Always,” Joey moved away from her hand, making a face. “Stop trying to fix my makeup.”

“I want to talk to you about something.”

“Sure Mom,” Joey put down the pile of papers he was looking over for Johnny. “What’s up?’

Phyllis shifted a little uncomfortably then just sighed heavily. “Okay, Joey. I need to ask you something personal and I want you to answer me honestly.”

Joey turned all his attention to his mother. “What’s wrong, Mom?”

“Oh nothing,” Phyllis said quickly. “It’s just...are you and...Joshua...still,” she shifted on the couch again, obviously uncomfortable. “Intimate?”

Joey’s eyes widened and he opened and shut his mouth a few times before saying anything. He reached for the glass of soda on the table, taking a long drink.

“Well...umm...” Joey put the soda back down. “No. Not really. Why?”

“Because...” Phyllis closed her eyes. “You’re a girl now, Joey. And as you well know, girls can get pregnant. And even if you and Joshua aren’t intimate at the moment, you may be at a later date and I think you should go on The Pill.”

“The Pill?” Joey’s throat felt like the Sahara Desert now.

“Yes,” Phyllis opened her eyes and looked at him. “Imagine if you got pregnant, God forbid, and you changed back while pregnant. What then? And it will help keep you regular.”

“Regular?” Joey squeaked out.

“Yes dear,” Phyllis patted his thigh. “Your period? You have gotten that right?”

Joey shook his head, his eyes wide. “Am I going to get that?”

“Probably.” Phyllis kept patting his thigh reassuringly. Joey was pale now thinking about getting his period and possibly getting pregnant. He remembered how much pain Kelly had been in while giving birth to Brianna as well as the months before that. No. Way. In. Hell.

“The Pill sounds like a fantastic idea.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“My mother asked me something weird today,” Joey said, sinking further down in the water.

“What?” asked JC, his brow furrowed as he concentrated on Joey’s leg, one foot resting against his shoulder as he shaved carefully.

“She asked if we were still having sex.”

JC practically dropped the razor in the bathtub, juggling it before finally catching it so it didn’t disappear into the bubbles.

“ _Phyllis_  asked that?”

Joey nodded, watching JC critically. “Careful around the ankle. She thinks I need to go on The Pill. You know...in case we do end up having sex.”

JC sighed softly, looking down and kissing Joey’s ankle lightly. “What do you think?”

Joey shifted in the water. “Um...it’s probably not a bad idea. I...don’t want to get pregnant if I do end up...having sex.”

JC put the razor down before leaning over and brushing back a strand of wet hair and tucking it behind Joey’s ear.

“Do you want to have sex?”

Joey watched his hand move along the surface of the water. “Maybe a little.”

JC took a deep breath and moved Joey’s leg off his chest. He moved between his legs and kissed him softly.

“We can...try.” Even offering that sounded foreign to him, the idea of having sex with a girl again.

“Are you saying that because you want to or because I want to?” asked Joey softly, one hand resting lightly on JC’s neck.

“I miss touching you,” admitted JC. “But...honestly. I don’t know if I can get hard.”

Joey nodded, sniffling softly. “Okay. I understand.” He pushed JC away lightly and stood up, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his body. “I’m going to go to bed.”

JC sighed and sat back. He let one hand slip down to his crotch and he cupped his limp dick sadly.

“Can’t you just get hard once?”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“So I was thinking,” Justin leaned back in his chair, balancing on the two legs. “There’s like a million ways for girls to get off, at least according to the porn I’ve seen.”

Joey groaned, looking at Justin over the glasses he wore to make himself look even more different. “Your point?”

“Have you like...done that?”

“I have work to do, Justin,” Joey pushed his glasses back up and tried to get back to the paperwork in front of him.

“Come on.” Justin sat forward again, pulling the papers away from Joey.

“Okay,” Joey sighed. “You want to know if I’ve masturbated?”

Justin nodded eagerly.

“Yes,” Joey reached for the papers. “Now leave me alone.”

“What’s it like?”

“You’re not going to leave me alone until I tell you all about it, are you?”

Justin shook his head.

“Fine. It’s not like it’s hard to figure out or anything,” Joey kept looking at the papers in front of him, not seeing the schedule though. “Basically it’s like fingering a girl except you do it to yourself. You hit the same spots. It feels good,  _really_ good. You can come as many times as you want.”

“What’s sex like as a girl?”

Joey shrugged, reaching for a pen and making a mark on one of the dates where there was a conflict.

“You’ll have to ask Britney about that.”

Justin gaped at him. “You and JC aren’t having sex?”

“JC’s gay,” said Joey simply. “And I’m a girl.”

“So just because of that you’re not getting laid?”

Joey sighed, looking at Justin now. “It’s not like you can turn off being gay, Justin. I know you don’t understand really but...” he chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. “What if Britney became a boy all of a sudden? You might stay with her but do you think you would be able to sleep with her?”

“I don’t do dick.”

“Exactly,” Joey said quietly, sadly. “And, forgive my language, but JC doesn’t do pussy. And until I change back, that’s what I have so therefore he doesn’t do me.”

“Have you guys like...tried?” asked Justin, his voice softer and his tone less abrasive.

Joey nodded, closing his eyes. “Yeah. But after awhile it’s not worth it to even try when you know that the other person can’t get hard because of the way you look. And that’s just how it is, Justin.”

“I think you’re beautiful,” Justin said quietly, leaning over and kissing Joey’s cheek softly, leaving his lips pressed against the soft skin for a long moment. “I would do you.”

“Look who’s here!” Kelly opened the door, smiling widely as she carried Brianna into the room, her diaper bag over one shoulder.

“Brie!” Justin jumped up, his conversation with Joey forgotten. “Come to Uncle Justin.”

Kelly handed over Brianna and walked over to Joey, wrapping her arms around him from behind and kissing his cheek softly.

“Hey Joe-Bear.”

Joey put his hands on Kelly’s arms and turned his head to look at her. “Hey Kelly-Belly. How’s our girl doing?”

“She’s big and bad and teething. I hope you and JC weren’t expecting to get any sleep tonight. She’s wailing like there’s no tomorrow.”

Joey smiled at that. Brianna was still his tether, holding him in place and keeping him checked in reality as best as possible considering the circumstances.

“It’ll be great.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

JC watched from the bed as Joey got ready to go to sleep for the night. It took a lot longer then it used to because he had to take off makeup, take his hair down, brush it out, brush his teeth, wash his face again, moisturize, and then finally wander back into the bedroom wearing just a bra and a pair of panties so he could strip out of those and put on a nightgown.

JC sighed and rolled over, closing his eyes. This wasn’t as easy as he had first thought it would be.

Joey slid into bed next to him, a warm weight pressed up against JC’s back. Arms wrapped around him and he could almost see the pale pink nail polish Joey had on his fingernails even in the dark.

Having a girlfriend was a lot harder then he wanted to admit.

Even if that girlfriend was Joey.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Justin groaned softly, looking at his watch. “We never should have let Brit help Joey.”

“I offered,” Lance picked at his fingernail before looking at Justin. “I am faster than a girl.”

“Barely.” Chris snorted.

“Hey,” Lance pointed a perfectly manicured finger at him. “I’m ready.”

“Your hair is messed up,” Justin said, a smirk on his face.

“What?” Lance jumped up. “Oh God!”

JC, Justin, and Chris all burst out laughing as Lance ran to the nearest bathroom to check and make sure his hair was okay.

“I swear,” Justin said in between peals of laughter. “He is  _so_ gay sometimes.”

“Who is?” asked Joey, walking out of the bedroom, Britney following him.

“Holy shit,” Chris breathed out, his eyes wide as he looked at Joey in shock.

“What?” Joey shifted nervously in his heels as the other three just stared at him, mouths open. “Do I got shit in my teeth or something?”

“You’re so beautiful,” Chris whispered before shaking his head roughly to snap himself out of it.

Joey stood in front of them, a sight to behold in a long, white gown that was low cut enough to reveal his beautiful cleavage. It molded to his body, showing off his legs and stomach and breasts and ass. His long hair had been highlighted with more red and it was piled on top of his head in loose curls. It looked like it would all tumble down if the wrong pin was pulled out. His makeup was done so well that he didn’t even look like a semblance of Joey anymore. Diamonds sparkled in his ears and around his neck.

Britney paled next to him.

JC didn’t even know what to say.

“Watch out boys,” Lance drawled walking out of the bathroom. “Here comes Lois. And she’s going to steal the show from all of us.”

Joey just blushed and looked at JC, who looked away.

Chris watched as Joey’s face fell and he looked down at the ground, wishing that he could make things better.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“Where’s JC?” asked Chris, leaning closer to Joey so he could hear him.

Joey shrugged, playing with the little red straw in his drink. He brushed a curl away from his face, tucking it behind his ear. The club they were at was packed and the last person he really wanted to think about right now was JC.

“Home I guess.”

Chris turned his back to the bar, resting against it so he could look at Joey. “Everything okay?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it, Chris.” Joey waved at Lance who was dancing in the middle of a crowd of people, a drink in his hand. Lance would always get really crazy at clubs when given the chance. Lance waved back before wrapping his free arm around a tall, blonde woman.

“You look pretty tonight.” Chris tried not to sound desperate when he said it. He just wanted to make Joey feel better and it  _was_  true. Joey looked really pretty, like he always did now. Joey was even pretty when he was dressed in sweatpants and a tank top with no makeup and a bandanna tying back his long hair.

And tonight, Joey was dressed up. He had on a pair of tight black pants that flared at the bottom and a backless shirt with the FuMan logo on it. Chris had gotten that specially made for so it actually fit him.

Joey snorted and put his now empty drink down on the bar. “You don’t have to say something that you don’t mean, Chris.”

“Hey,” Chris put his hand on Joey’s arm, stopping him from going anywhere. “Just because JC doesn’t say it doesn’t mean it’s not true. You’re beautiful, Joey...Lois.”

Joey looked at him for a long time, their eyes locked. He couldn’t see any maliciousness or sarcasm in Chris’ eyes.

“Thank you,” Joey said softly, dropping his gaze to the bar. He tapped it lightly and the bartender nodded, putting another Amaretto Sour in front of him. Joey pulled the cherry out of it and popped it into his mouth like always, pulling the stem out and dropping it on the bar. “Do you...maybe...want to dance?”

Chris swallowed thickly, instantly turned on by Joey doing that with the cherry, his sensual lips opening and shutting around the red fruit. He nodded, putting his empty pint glass on the bar.

Joey linked his arm with Chris’ smiling happily at him. He was more then a little buzzed; his tolerance for alcohol had diminished greatly when he turned into a girl.

Chris tried to will his erection away but it wasn’t working because Joey’s hair was brushing against his arm and his bare back was moving sensually in front of him as they walked to the dance floor. And then Joey was pressed up against him, arms around Chris’ neck as he danced, his body swaying and moving to the music.

And Chris let himself go, ignoring the strange looks from Lance who appeared behind Joey, wrapping his arms around him from behind.

It was a Lois sandwich splashed on the front page with the headline: ‘ _JC Chasez’s girlfriend party’s with Chris Kirkpatrick and Lance Bass...but where’s JC?_ ’   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“Well fuck,” JC slapped the newspaper on Johnny’s desk. “What do we do now?”

Joey didn’t even look at Johnny or JC, his head bowed as he worked on something else. “We don’t dignify it with an answer. Chris, Lance, and I were just dancing. It’s not my fault that you wanted to stay home and do nothing.”

JC glared at Joey, staring at the tanned curve of his neck, his hair pulled up into a high ponytail.

“You’re not supposed to act like this!” JC protested loudly. Johnny just sat back, his hands folded on his desk. “You’re supposed to be my faithful girlfriend who’s madly in love with me.”

“Yeah and you’re supposed to be my boyfriend who’s madly in love with me,” Joey still didn’t look up, his pen moving over the paper quickly, making notes. “I don’t see that happening either.”

“I have been nothing but faithful to you since we started dating!”

“Just get out of here, Josh,” Joey finally looked up, his eyes cold. “Johnny and I have a shitload of work to do so that you guys can get to your interviews.”

“I don’t want you going out and screwing around with Lance and Chris anymore. They’re bad influences.”

Joey’s gaze turned positively steely now. “Would you rather me hang out with Justin and Britney and snort coke and fuck her dancers?”

“Start acting like a real girlfriend!”

“Well start acting like a real boyfriend then!” Joey stood up, gathering up papers angrily and shoving them back into a file.

“Okay guys,” Johnny finally stepped in, standing up and moving in between them. “Let’s all just relax. We can’t really change what already happened.”

JC looked over at Johnny, his teeth gritted. “I’m going home. To  _my_ home. Alone. Don’t fucking come back there tonight.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Joey said, the files tightly clasped to his chest, his own eyes glittering with tears.

Joey and Johnny watched as JC stalked out of the office, slamming the door as hard as he could behind him. Without saying a word, Johnny took the files from Joey’s arms, placing them on the desk. He wrapped his arms around Joey and let him cry on his shoulder for as long as he needed.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“Oh,” Joey said dully. “It’s you.”

“Yeah,” JC shifted on his feet, looking at Joey. “Can I come in?”

“I suppose,” Joey turned and walked away, heading back into the living room. Brianna was balanced on his hip, her hands wrapped tightly in his hair. He was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, no makeup, no fuss. He still looked beautiful.

“Johnny said that you’re the one traveling with us for this promotional tour.” JC sat down on the couch uncomfortably, reaching over to pet Joey’s dog who was curled up on the couch as well.

Joey untangled Brianna’s hands from his hair, setting her on the ground in front of him so she could play.

“I am Nsync’s PR agent now. That means I have to travel with you four.”

“Yeah,” JC breathed out slowly. “I guess you do. I..” he looked down at his lap. “I’m really sorry that I’ve been so shitty to you the past few months.”

“Yeah well,” Joey ran his hand over Brianna’s wild curls, not looking at JC. “I shouldn’t have expected more from you then what you were prepared to offer.”

“I don’t want to break up with you, Joey,” JC moved over and sat next to him. “I want to be with you.”

“No,” Joey shook his head, looking at JC now. “You don’t want to be with me. You want to be with Joey.”

“You are Joey.”

Joey shook his head again. “You’re the only person who hasn’t realized that yet. Lance, Chris, Justin, my whole family, Kelly and Brie, Johnny. They’ve all realized that I’m  _not_  Joey anymore. I really am Lois now. I’ve been like this for five months. I don’t know if or when I’m going to change back to Joey.”

“I know you’re not you,” said JC weakly. “I can see that.”

“It’s not just what I look like anymore, JC. It’s who I am.”

JC was quiet, looking down at Brianna who was kneeling on her knees and trying to haul herself up. Joey reached down and helped her stand which resulted in a happy squeal, clapping hands and a ‘mama’.

“When did she start talking?” asked JC, sad that Joey’s daughter was calling him ‘mama’ and not ‘dada’.

“She’s not really talking yet,” Joey said softly, holding her hands as she lurched around unsteadily in front of the couch. “Just a few words. Mama, cookie, bottle. Stuff like that.”

“I missed her first words,” JC sighed quietly, getting down on the ground so he was on Brianna’s level. He took her hands from Joey and helped her stay standing. “Can you say Daddy?”

“JC...”

JC looked over at Joey for a moment then back at Brianna. “Come on, baby girl. Say Daddy for me.”

“She’s not going to say it, JC,” Joey said, standing up and picking her up. “She doesn’t have a Daddy so she’s not going to say Daddy for you.”

“She does so have a Daddy,” JC scrambled up from the ground. “She has you.”

“You just don’t get it.” Joey shook his head sadly before walking out of the room with Brianna. JC knew that was his cue to leave.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“Tomorrow’s not so bad,” Joey said, a leather datebook opened on his lap. “You four have an interview with Rosie at 3 and then a radio interview at 6. Piece of cake. All morning is free to...record.”

The last part came out strained because for the first time since they had gotten together as a band, Joey wasn’t going to be recording an album with them. His voice had changed as well and he was pretty much a low soprano, high alto range. It just didn’t fit in anymore.

“Well I for one am  _exhausted_ ,” Lance stood up, stretching high. “So I am going to go to bed early tonight.”

Justin smirked and tossed a pillow at Lance. “Tell Stefan I said hi.”

Lance just threw the pillow back at him. “Fuck off.”

Chris bumped Justin with his hip. “Clubbing?”

“Hells yes,” Justin laughed. “We’re getting funky tonight, Kirkpatrick. You in, Lois?”

Joey looked up in surprise when Justin called him Lois. None of the guys ever did that when they were alone.

“No,” Joey shook his head. “I actually have some work I have to do tonight. Just don’t get back too late. And don’t smoke, Justin. It fucks up your voice.”

Justin raised one eyebrow but let it slide. Joey had been doing that a lot more recently, hanging back and basically taking care of them instead of being a part of things.

“What about you, C?” asked Chris, turning to look at JC who was lying on the floor behind the couch, his fingers tapping out a rhythm.

“What?” JC opened his eyes, his fingers stilling.

“Clubbing. You in?”

“Oh,” JC shook his head. “No thanks. I think I’m going to work on a song.”

Joey shifted uncomfortably, leaning over to scratch an itch above his ankle. His fingers brushed against the tattoos there.

“If you two need anything,” Joey stood up, arching his back as he stretched, ignoring the blatant stares from Chris and Justin. “Remember. Just call me.”

“You got it, sister,” Justin grabbed Chris’ arm, pulling him out of the room to go get ready.

Joey shook his head, smiling a little. JC sat up and looked at him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Joey looked at him coolly, still not really comfortable around JC right now.

“Look,” JC got up and walked over to him. “I know that I’m not your favourite person at the moment, but can we maybe spend some time together? Like talk?”

Joey sighed but nodded resignedly. “Sure.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

JC laughed, picking popcorn out of his hair. “Nice shot. I can admit you still have a better arm then me.”

“I may be a girl,” Joey laughed as well. “But there’s still a competitive boy inside of me.”

JC sobered for a moment and reached for Joey’s hand. “Look. For what it matters, I understand what you were trying to tell me that day at your house.”

Joey nodded, looking down at his hand intertwined with JC’s. “Okay.”

“I guess I wanted to believe that you were still Joey even though it was pretty apparent that you’re not anymore,” JC traced the delicate line of Joey’s hand and wrist as he talked. “You are Lois. Maybe someday Joey will be back but he’s not here now. You are.”

“And if Joey never comes back?” asked Joey softly. “If this is who I end up being for the rest of my life?”

JC leaned forward and pressed his lips to Joey’s tenderly. “I’ll still love you,  _Lois_.”

“Fuck JC,” Joey whispered, bowing his head, tears pricking at his eyes. “I can’t take this if you decide you can’t love me like this again.”

“It won’t happen again. I promise.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Joey pushed Brianna on the swings in his backyard, laughing and clapping along with her. They were home for a few days from their publicity tour and he had begged Kelly to have Brianna for a few days. Kelly was more then willing, saying she needed a break.

Brianna was walking now and his house had gone through rigorous baby-proofing by his mother and Kelly while he was on the road with the guys. Which was good because Brianna was turning out to be as klutzy as he had been as a kid.

“Hey sexy!” Lance sauntered into the backyard, wearing a bathing suit and nothing else.

“Look who’s talking,” Joey pecked him on the lips. “Walking into my backyard half-naked like that. What’s the occasion?”

Lance snorted. “She who’s wandering around in a bikini top and shorts says I’m half-naked. Riiight.”

Joey rolled his eyes and pushed Brianna again. “So seriously. What’s up, Lance? You don’t usually just drop by like this.”

Lance stopped making faces at Brianna and straightened up. He squinted a little in the bright sunlight.

“I want to talk to you about JC.”

Joey sighed heavily. “Not you too. I’ve already gotten this talk from Chris and Justin. Hell, even my mother has told me that this is a bad idea.”

“How’s your sex life, Joey?”

“I don’t have to tell you that,” Joey answered angrily, his jaw tightening. “It’s none of your business.”

“Honey,” Lance put his hand on Joey’s arm. “You know I’m only asking because I love you. I don’t want to see you hurt, especially by someone you love as much as JC.”

“He’s worth it, Lance.” said Joey softly.

“I hope he is,” Lance shook his head, sliding an arm around Joey’s waist and resting his head on his slim shoulder. “Because if he hurts my girl again, I’m going to have to commit some atrocious act of murder or something like that. Maybe turn him over to Stefan and the drag queens.”

“Even you aren’t that cruel.” Joey reached up and squeezed Lance’s hand. “Thank you, Lance.”

“Anytime, baby.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Joey laughed softly, his legs crossed perfectly, one hand resting on his knee. His hair was down, brushed and curled so it was sleek and smooth. He was wearing a grey A-line skirt that stopped just above his knees and a tight black top that was just low cut enough to show that he had cleavage but didn’t call attention to it. Instead of Superman in his ears and around his neck, there were small pearls.

JC didn’t even recognize him anymore. He didn’t understand why just a few weeks before he had  _begged_  Joey to take him back. It was even harder this time around.

Lance and Joey were laughing about something and each small titter of laughter cut JC deep. He was angry that Lance and his drag queen friends had done such a good job of teaching Joey how to act like a woman.

Chris and Justin were chasing each other around with water guns even though they were at another photo shoot.

Johnny had turned Joey into some kind of PR genius. He was being touted as the woman behind the men of Nsync.

No one even asked where Joey was anymore.

Out of sight, out of mind.

JC looked down at the calendar in his Dayplanner again. Seven months and counting of this.

“Honey,” Joey called out, waving him over with one perfectly manicured hand. He could see the gold rings on Joey’s fingers. “Come over here for a moment.”

And JC went because he always did.

“Lance is having a small party tomorrow night. You interested?”

Both Joey and Lance were looking at him hopefully. So he nodded yes, smiling as well. Joey kissed him lightly on the lips before going back to his conversation with Lance.

He hated the feeling of Joey’s lipstick on his lips.

And when he turned away, he wiped it off with the back of his hand.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“You look great.” JC gave Joey a light kiss on the lips before knocking on Lance’s front door.

“You lie like a bad rug, Chasez,” Joey laughed, smoothing his sundress over his thighs. He had decided to dress pretty casual, a sundress and sandals. He knew that this wasn’t one of Lance’s upscale bashes, just a small party with close friends.

“It’s my girl!” Stefan opened the door and squealed happily when he saw Joey, wrapping his arms around him tightly. “You look  _fabulous_ , dear.”

Joey laughed and hugged him back just as tightly. “Why thank you, hon.”

Stefan dragged Joey away, chattering on about Joey’s hair and dress and makeup. JC sighed and shut the door behind him. He pretty much ignored everyone until he got a bottle of beer, pushing aside a woman named Miranda who was about 6’5” and most definitely a man.

“Where’s Lois at?” asked Lance, sipping his bottle of ice water casually. He never drank at his own parties.

JC sighed when Lance said that name. “Your boyfriend stole my girlfriend again. Last I saw them they were talking about hair and makeup and dresses.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that Stefan is  _not_  my boyfriend?” Lance joked, waggling his eyebrows. It wasn’t a well kept secret anymore. All of them knew that Lance and Stefan had finally decided to date each other exclusively.

JC rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Bass. He lives with you, travels with you, and calls you pumpkin. You’re dating that queen.”

Lance smacked him lightly. “No calling my boyfriend a queen.”

“See,” JC pointed at him. “You admitted it.”

“Fine. I’m going to go find my queen and see if he’s done talking to your queen. Mingle. Have fun, C.”

JC frowned and took a long drink of his beer. Joey wasn’t a queen. He was just a girl.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“I want to leave,” JC said, pulling Joey aside. “I’m really fucking bored.”

“I’m having fun,” Joey said, holding a beer in his hand. “I want to stay. C’mon. Just a little longer, honey.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Joey sobered up immediately. “I’ve called you that since I was nineteen. You suddenly have a problem with that now?”

“Yeah,” JC sighed, knowing his was digging a grave for himself here. “I never really liked being called honey. And when you say it now...it almost feels dirty.”

Joey’s jaw dropped and tears filled his eyes. “Why don’t you just go home then? I’ll crash at my place. I don’t really want to be around you right now.”

“Fine,” JC waved his hand dismissively. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Probably not,” Joey crossed his arms across his chest, a couple tears spilling out and traveling down his cheeks. “Don’t forget. You have another photo shoot tomorrow at 2.”

Chris put his arms around Joey from behind after JC stalked away, ignoring the looks he was garnering from the people nearby on his path to the door.

“He promised, Chris,” Joey sniffled, turning in Chris’ arms and burying his face in his shoulder. He didn’t used to be able to do that but now he was the same height as Chris. “He promised he wouldn’t do that again.”

“I know, sweetie,” Chris smoothed Joey’s hair back, trying to soothe him. He pressed a kiss to his hair, surprised at how soft it was. “I’m sorry.”

“Can you take me home? Please?” Joey lifted his face, already tear-stained. Chris brought a hand up and stroked his cheek softly, wiping away tears.

“Of course, sweetie.”   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Chris sat Joey down on the bed, kneeling in front of him, one hand resting on his bare knee. Joey just sniffled and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I can’t blame him,” Joey sighed softly, sifting his fingers through Chris’ short hair. “I’m not what he wants and no matter what, I can’t be what he wants anymore.”

“When you change back maybe...”

Joey shrugged, letting a finger slide down Chris’ cheek. “ _If_ I change back. I’m not entirely sure that I’m going to.”

“You will,” Chris stood up, moving to sit next to Joey, sliding a little behind him and rubbing his shoulders. “It’ll happen just like this happened. In the middle of the night. You’ll wake up to Brianna screaming and everything will be back to normal.”

“I hope so,” admitted Joey. “I miss being him.”

“We miss him too,” Chris kept touching Joey’s shoulders and neck lightly, chastising himself loudly in his head each time his hand brushed over the soft skin. “But you’re great.”

“I’m going to miss being her,” Joey moved closer to Chris, their legs brushing together now. “I hate to admit it, but I like being pretty, being noticed. I never really got noticed, at least not like Justin or JC did. But now, I’m pretty and people notice me and think that I’m special and beautiful.”

“Joey is too,” Chris tilted Joey’s head up to look at him. “Joey’s beautiful and special and my best friend.”

“And I’m not?” Joey could feel Chris’ warm breath on his cheek, their lips inches apart.

“Not what?”

“Your best friend.” Joey smiled as he moved even closer, his lips hovering above Chris’.

“You’re my best, best friend.” Chris murmured, trying to keep from moving closer, not totally sure what was happening right now.

“Kiss me.” Joey’s voice shook a little but the words were serious.

“Okay,” Chris mumbled, pressing his lips to Joey’s like he’d wanted to since he walked in Joey’s bedroom the day this had happened. He cupped his cheek, holding Joey close.

Joey sighed happily into the kiss, his hand wrapping around Chris’ neck. It had been so long since he’d been kissed like this, like someone actually meant to kiss him. It’s been months of small pecks and occasional presses of lips with JC. It had been so long since he had really felt...desirable.

Joey shifted around and straddled Chris’ lap, still kissing him, not wanting to break contact. He could feel the warm press of Chris’ erection against his inner thigh and he knew that he wanted this, wanted Chris. He snaked a hand up the back of Chris’ shirt, long nails scratching him lightly.

“Joe...” Chris pulled back, panting a little. “What are we doing?”

“You make me feel wanted,” Joey dropped his head to Chris’ neck, kissing it softly. “I just want to feel that way for a few hours. You’re my best friend in the world, Chris. Please.”

“Haven’t you and JC...”

Joey shook his head. “Not once. I’ve been a woman for seven months and I haven’t had sex once. He won’t even touch me anymore.”

“God,” Chris closed his eyes, his hand stroking Joey’s back lightly as he thought about this. Joey was warm and soft and so close right now. He could feel breasts pressed up against his own chest, long, surprisingly soft hair against his arm. “I don’t want things to be weird. I can’t deal if things get weird.”

“It won’t,” Joey murmured, kissing his neck again. “I promise.”

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Chris ran a hand up Joey’s smooth thigh, sliding under his dress and just resting there. “I can’t believe you want me.”

“I do,” Joey pressed his lips to Chris’ again, hungrily this time. “I really do.”

“Okay,” Chris finally agreed, capturing Joey’s lips again and kissing him. He growled low in his throat, one hand coming up to unzip Joey’s dress easily.

Joey’s breath caught slightly in his throat. JC’s unzipped him before but it’s never been like that, so sure and quick, so positive of why the dress is being unzipped.

“You okay?” Chris slid a hand into the open back, sliding his knuckles over the bare flesh.

“I’m okay,” Joey nodded, kissing Chris again.

“Stand up,” Chris murmured in his ear, sucking gently on the soft lobe. “I want to undress you.”

Joey slid off his lap as gracefully as he could, standing in front of him awkwardly. Chris’ arms circled his waist, holding him close and secure. He almost felt like crying it was so nice to feel...special and loved again.

Chris kissed Joey’s shoulder before sliding the straps of the dress off his arms and letting the dress fall easily to the ground, pooling around Joey’s ankles. He ran a sure, steady hand over Joey’s stomach, sliding it around to the small of his back and kissing him again.

“I like this,” Chris murmured, sliding one hand over a lace-encased breast. “It’s very pretty underwear.”

“Do you always look at a girl’s underwear?” asked Joey, laughing a little nervously.

Chris looked up at him and nodded. “Yeah. Girls always take the time to wear something pretty and I think it’s just common courtesy to comment on it.”

“Thank you,” Joey blushed, looking down at himself. “I kind of like them too.”

Chris stepped back and pulled his shirt off, dropping it on the ground. He stripped off his pants quickly, so that both of them were only in their underwear.

“There,” Chris said softly, stepping closer to Joey again. “Now we’re even.”

Joey reached out and ran his hand slowly down Chris’ chest, stopping at the waistband of his boxers.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You can ask me anything.” Chris closed his eyes, trying to think unsexy thoughts.

“Where on earth did you find Pokemon boxers in your size?”

Chris opened his eyes and laughed, wrapping his arms around Joey and pulling him to the bed again. He straddled Joey’s waist, leaning over and kissing him deeply.

“Present from Dani. I think she had them special ordered.”

“My thanks to Dani,” Joey started to massage Chris through his boxers. “It made me laugh and I think I needed that right now.”

Chris moaned, his eyelids fluttering. “I’ll tell her that the boxers helped me get laid. She’ll never believe it.”

Joey laughed again, feeling happy and comfortable with Chris, with himself for the first time in forever.

And when Chris showed him how incredible it was being on the other end of oral sex, he moaned and twisted and shouted Chris’ name.

And when Chris entered him slowly he almost cried because it was so different then anything he’d ever felt before. Chris was so gentle and so strong, holding him close and thrusting slowly, building them both up until they came together, their voices meshing as they cried out.

And afterwards as Chris held him and murmured soft words in his ear, he did cry because for the first time in months, he felt like he was a real person again.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Joey stumbled down the hall towards the sound of Brianna’s cries. She had a big day today and was really overtired. It was her first birthday and he and Kelly had thrown her a party with cake and balloons and family and friends.

She had gotten more toys then any little girl could need, especially since she spent half the party playing with the wrapping paper.

Justin had taken lots of pictures of him and Kelly fussing over Brianna and looking like the perfect lesbian family.

Brianna had squealed and called both of them ‘Mommy’ and had called Justin ‘Tin’ and Lance ‘La’ like she always did because she couldn’t say their whole names.

JC had stood in the back, joining in when necessary but Joey was still glad that he was there.

He bumped into the wall, his center of gravity off. He was half-asleep so he didn’t think anything of it.

Brianna was standing in her crib and screaming at the top of her lungs but when Joey reached for her, she just screamed louder, calling for ‘Mommy.’

“Shh,” Joey picked her up. “Mommy’s here.”

Brianna squirmed in his arms, still squealing and trying to squirm away from him.

That’s when Joey realized that it didn’t hurt when she batted at his chest accidentally.

And he cried.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

“She won’t stop crying,” Joey sniffled, curled up in the rocking chair in the corner of Brianna’s room. “She doesn’t know who I am.”

Chris patted Brianna’s back as the little girl stopped crying, clutching at Chris’ shirt with her small fists.

“She’s just a little shocked,” Chris said, setting her back in the crib and giving her a bottle. “She hasn’t seen you in months.”

Joey closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the chair. He’d done a quick check before Chris had gotten here. He was all man again, complete with dick and no breasts.

“Come with me.” Chris held his hand out to Joey, hoping he would take it.

Joey opened his eyes and took Chris’ hand reluctantly. His hands looked funny, all manly but with long fingernails that were painted a soft pearl grey. He let Chris lead him into the bathroom.

They both looked in the mirror together, Chris’ arms wrapped around Joey from behind.

“Hi Joey,” Chris said softly, looking at the reflection of the other man. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Hi Chris,” Joey sniffled, looking at himself. “I miss her already.”

“She’s still here,” Chris tapped Joey’s chest lightly, right above his heart. “Here and..” he tapped Joey’s head. “Here.”

“What do I do now?”

“Well,” Chris looked at his watch. “We go back to bed because it’s 3 am. Then tomorrow morning, we dig out some boy clothes and go record.”

“Okay.” Joey sniffled again.   
 

 

* * *

  
 

Joey sang happily, his eyes closed. JC’s hand was on the small of his back in the small booth as they sang together.

He had been back for almost a month now. Brianna had stopped crying when she saw him and started calling him ‘Daddy’. He and JC were back together again and things were going well.

His first public appearance back had gone fine, the story that Johnny had spun about him being sick had gone over better then expected. He knew it had while he was still Lois because no one even asked about him after awhile but he hadn’t expected to be accepted again so quickly.

“That was great,” Lance said, leaning over the microphone so Joey and JC could hear him. “You guys are done for the day.”

Chris sat in the back of the room and watched Joey and JC kiss softly. He looked down at the small picture he had in his wallet of the five of them from when Joey had been a girl.

God how he missed her.

But from the booth, Joey looked up at him and winked, motioning with his head. Chris shrugged and smiled back and Chris couldn’t help thinking about how much he had missed Joey while he was gone.

And how glad he was to have him back.

   
 


End file.
